“It’s just a job,” but What if I Accidentally Made that Job My Whole Life?

Quick thoughts on being part of a creative team layoff for the second time in my short career.

I tell all my mentees this: being a professional creative is a unique experience that is always inherently — unknowingly even — emotional and personal. We must be vulnerable everyday. That’s the nature of making art. Then we need to be quick to turn those emotions off if we are to sustain working in a corporate environment where stakeholders who know less about your craft than you must share their opinions for the sake of having an opinion. Don’t take it personal. But art will always feel personal.

This may come from a jaded creative, but I know how to do my job and I know how to do it well. I know the hardest trick of the trade: how to communicate with non-creatives.

It is the hardest challenge I will continually face, but I am good at it. I have bent my back in order to survive this world and have a smidge of my artistic identity appear on a surface. I’ve been on hyper drive with it the past few years. Y’all, I’m tired.

I will say this, most of the time, it is worth the fight, but honestly we should not have to be fighting this hard. I wish to strive towards a setting where this is no longer the case. Where we can have an equitable understanding (not equal) of whos domain we are in and at what times. When I am to be trusted and when I am trusting you. I have gaslit myself enough with “assuming positive intent” and neglected the actual impacts of said intent on my mental well-being. We’re all human, but our actions and words can effect each other, and I all I ask is for more humility in the working world.

After my first layoff, I realized that it didn’t matter how much time or energy you give a company. Sometimes they’ll just rip this opportunity away from you, because that’s how business goes. (Also note, that Business is not a human! People who had dedicated their lives to this company were suddenly banned and outcasted (for security reasons), but it all felt so brutal and inhuman.

When I went into my next role, I always had that thought in the back of my head. Sitting like a piece of salt stuck in a wound.

It doesn’t matter how much you invest into your company, whether you go above and beyond in your role, whether you contribute to the whole company or make them look good. There’s always a chance.

My generation and the one before me has ingrained this idea of work hustle in me. That if I am not constantly working and bragging about what a cool place I work at, then what I am I doing with my life? Although I kept that piece of salt about the working world in my head, I let the environment of my latest role take over me.

I joined this place for the cheesiest reason: the people. I loved the people and I wanted to do what I know best: help the people. I started to speak up more, volunteer for things more, and offer my help and big ideas. Somehow it led to me taking on a leadership role (outside of my job card) to help my AANHPI community at work, getting mentees outside of work where I talk about work, convincing people to work at my work, and making life long friends at work.

I accidentally did it…I made my whole life=work.

It’s not healthy, and I do not suggest it. Do I regret it? No, not in this context, because at this specific place I was able to find a beautiful community of people. It might be that work brought us together, but I honestly think there’s a universe where we were brought together without it.

I don’t work in the most “impactful” industry or role. On paper, I was just a graphic designer at a tech company. However, I do want to take a second and be proud of myself because I did make an impact here and I can’t let another layoff take that away from me.

Here’s some notable achievements that would traditionally not appear on my resume:

• I worked closely on multiple heritage month moments, using my passion for social justice and the importance of representation.
• I interviewed dozens of people over the years to see if they were a fit and vice versa, which led me to learn not just what makes for a good/bad interview but the ability to recognize how someone will thrive in this environment or what can be improved to support them.
• I worked on the merch and branding for our very first intern group, which became their first visual experience of joining. Then leading me to help with the intern program as an Intern Buddy in the next cohort.
• I joined the Asian American Native Hawaiian and Pacific Islander ERG where I was able to continue my social justice work for my community. This eventually led me to becoming lead of the erg shortly before the impacted changes.
• I worked hard at keeping together my team culture with Show and Tell presentations, custom games to get to know each other, movie nights, working sessions, brain dumps, team superlatives, group improve (LOL) and so much more.
• I leaned heavily into my desires to be a leader and a manger and learned how to facilitate groups (for work and for fun), lead meetings, delegate tasks, conflict management, and how to listen and respond with respect.
• I started mentoring and meeting folks with my new found knowledge of this industry. I’ve talked to close to a hundred people, some with long term mentee relationships to me now. To this day, I’ve directly helped a dozen BIPOC designers find new jobs, making drastic life decisions, and self empowerment. Those numbers may sound small but each person’s success means the world to me.

This was my life. And there’s even more to it, but these are my proudest achievements that have made an impact here. I won’t let the actions of this layoff tell me otherwise.

“Don’t take it personal.”

“It’s just a job.”

“You’ll get another.”

I know it’s just a job, but I accidentally made it my whole life.

Note: I will be taking a break from work and mentorship for the time being. I will be focusing on myself and how I want to shape my career. If you’re interested/ resonated with anything I mentioned, let’s have a chat! In the future, if you’re looking for a badass designer/leader/social justice warrior, let’s get in touch.